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TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey. An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven…. I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me. Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't. It's a side dish made from thinly sliced cabbage. Apparently you need to be a complete dick. I bought two left hand gloves On one hand it feels great, on the other hand, not so much. Someone told me my clothes were gay I said "I know.

They came out of the closet this morning. Did you hear about the guy who made the knock knock jokes? He won the no bell prize. Today I had my appointment with my psychiatrist He thinks that I'm paranoid. He didn't say it, but I know he's thinking it. Who can drink two litres of gasoline? Jerry can. Imagine if Americans decided to switch from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be a mass confusion. Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure.

I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. I'm looking for a shredder. What will you be shredding primarily? One day a family is wondering what to cook for dinner.

They have many ideas but each idea doesn't sound good. Eventually, they go to the living room to watch tv when all of a sudden a knock at the door. The mother answers it and it's a nun saying she's going door to door giving out soup to families. She takes the bag of soup and thanks to the nun. They all go to the kitchen and grab a bowl and then pour the soup into bowls.

The father says "this soup stinks! The reporter says "the man dressed as a nun delivering raw sewage door to door has been caught" they all puked. The friend of my mother has taken look at the photo on which I was and has said: "yeah, the stepfather of Johny is a real expert of breeding of meaty pig types. Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!